Here's what my training looked like this week:
1:09 hour bike ride (13.67 miles)
Avg mph: 11.9
1:30 hour bike ride (18.51 miles)
Avg mph: 12.3
2:50 hour bike ride (41 miles)
Avg mph: 14.3
3 mile brick (35:50 minutes)
Bike total: 73.18 miles
5.30 mile run (1:06 hours)
3.48 mile run (40:47 minutes)
10.01 mile run
Run total (including bricks): 21.79 miles
Emotionally, this was a hard week. There was an incident in Shelby Bottoms last Sunday that happened as I was finishing my run. I didn't see it happen, but I was standing at my car immediately after & was one of the people who rushed to help. Of the three of us, one ran over & tried to administer CPR, while me & my other friend stopped & didn't go any further when we realized what we were seeing.
I'm not equipped to see death like this. I had a hard time processing the suddenness & permanence of what I saw. It contradicted the hospital, surrounded by loved ones setting that I had in my head. I couldn't stop crying, I wasn't sleeping & I was having a lot of flashbacks of what I saw. Fortunately, I had a therapy appointment already scheduled for Wednesday.
I learned on Wednesday that because the only other traumatic event I've experienced is 9/11, my brain had connected the two events & I had slipped back into a post-9/11 mindset. We talked through things I would do & say to myself to disconnect the two events & it really did help, almost immediately.
Oddly, Thursday, the day after my appointment, was my worst day. I think because I was processing everything that got brought up on Wednesday, but also because I went back to Shelby. That's where I do my bike rides during the week because I feel safe riding alone there. I drove past where it happened, got real upset, & just sat in my car & cried. I looked around the parking lot & saw moms with kids, people with dogs & old men with bikes & felt a little better.
I basically spent the rest of Thursday crying at people. I went to lunch after my ride & cried at my friend. I went home & cried at John. I called my sister & cried at her. I went to yoga & cried at everyone at yoga. But that night I slept & I woke up on Friday feeling okay & have felt okay ever since.
Thank you for letting me share this. I debated whether or not to write about it, but it became such a big part of my week that it seemed disingenuous not to. To everyone I cried at this week, thank you. It's hard to just sit & be present for someone's pain. Those of you who were able to do that for me, thank you.