Happy Or Complacent?

Anyone who knows me, knows that I struggle with my weight. I'm awesome at losing weight, but I suck at keeping it off. My most recent weight loss success was when I joined Weight Watchers & lost 20 lbs. I've since gained at least 10 lbs of it back, if not more (I'm currently not weighing myself). At some point in the past year, I decided to quit trying so hard. I'm a healthy size 12, sometimes a 14, depending on the brand. The average American woman is a size 12. I'm average, especially in Tennessee. If you follow me on Twitter, you're well aware of how much I work-out. In fact, I've stopped tweeting my work-outs because I've realized that it throws people off, they see me & wonder how someone who works out so much can still be overweight. Good question... I don't really know why I'm overweight, aside from the fact that I clearly eat more than I burn off.

I really thought I was fine with my size. Yes, I'd love to be a size 10 again, but I don't want to do the work being a size 10 entails. I'd rather eat what I want, work-out when I can & be happy in a size 12 (or 14). All of this changed over the weekend. All of a sudden, I was all too aware of how not-average being a size 12 is in NYC. The store we went to first, UniQlo, has the best jeans that everyone on the planet raves about. I went to grab a pair, only to find out that their sizes pretty much stop at 10. I shockingly found a pair of 14's & tried them on. I couldn't even get them on, they were so tight. I felt like the fattest person on the island.

I resolved to get back in shape once I got home. Maybe I'd re-join Weight Watchers. That worked. But now, a mere 3 days later, I've already talked myself out of it. What I want to know is, am I being complacent or am I being healthy by accepting myself at this size?

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